Thursday, October 06, 2005

South African movie

I just saw that there is a new movie by director Gavin Hood, who made the excellent "A reasonable man" in the late 90's, and it's winning prizes at festivals around the world - Tsotsi.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Finding my strengths

I've been actively learning more about teaching as a consequence of my severe dislike of the research arm of the academy - I have realised that I easily lose focus and become demoralised when working alone as opposed to in a team, and that I find it very hard to work towards long term goals, especially if the goals are things as inherently unsatisfying (to me) as an article to submit to a journal. I used to think that these were character defects, and if I could just "pull myself together" I would learn to do these things. It has been greatly liberating to me to realise that the reason I have never liked doing research is ... duh... because it's just not the kind of work I'm wired to do.

On the other hand, I think I'm really good at working in a team, with lots of creative energy and lots of drive, and that I'm easily motivated by short term projects where I will get to see the results within a month or two. I worked coordinating a science camp over the summer, and really enjoyed the experience, was waaay productive and busy, and (I think) very effective.

I have decided that I want to complete the PhD, because
(1) I think it will open doors to make it possible for me to do what I want to do, and
(2) Damnit I Will. Not. Quit.

But it's easier for me to stay motivated to trudge through this process knowing that once I get done I have a career plan that will allow me to do more of the things that I'm good at, and fewer of the things that I dislike/am bad at/don't value. I would like to get a job in a university college of engineering, teaching undergraduates and participating in outreach to high school / adult science education. I think that's pretty feasible at a non-Research I university. To that end, I'm starting to do some things that nurture this future dream.

I'm taking a Math class which is necessary for my research, but which I could also count as credit towards a masters degree in teaching mathematics - aimed for people who intend to teach at the high school or undergrad level and want to improve their mathematical grounding. It's an ideal match for me, also includes 2 classes in the education department, will enable me to stretch my math muscles again, and will prepare me for teaching and for doing more effectively the type of research I think that I will be able to tolerate. The idea is that I would do the masters after I finish this here degree. (I know... more study. Is she mad?)

I'm also meeting with people who actually work in Math and Science education outreach so that I'm not just developing in the echo chamber of my own mind. I'm starting to be involved with the SQUEAK project, getting young (starting with first grade) children to learn object oriented computer programming through this really powerful graphical language. Talking to people in the MSTE office about education has exposed me to some of the literature in education which will hopefully continue to inspire me, and ensure that I don't reinvent the wheel.

I'm trying to maintain a balance, spending enough time nurturing my future to stay energised while still keeping my main focus on my research so that I Finish. The. Damn. Dissertation. But even when I feel like I'm spinning my wheels in mud, not getting anywhere, at least I'm more confident that the car is pointed in the right direction.