Sunday, August 21, 2005

happily every after

I last posted a couple of weeks before the wedding. Our family started arriving the Saturday before the wedding, so we had a whole week of wedding organisation, planning and family time, which was really great. It was a priority for both of us that our families have a chance to get to know each other, since we will always be far away from one family, so besides getting everyone involved in cooking and cleaning (what better, way, really, to get to know one another? Our motives were completely altruistic, I swear) we also had plenty of social gatherings.

The wedding itself was wonderful. Here's a picture of us that I like because it kind of looks like a picture that would have been taken at our grandparents' weddings... sort of American Neo-Gothic, if you will ;-)

Many people commented that the service was beautiful, and that it was evident that we had chosen everything in it. I honestly can't remember very much of the actual service - mostly just Ross' face and the patterns on the floor! - but my favourite moment was when people joined in in singing a song I had chosen with words in English and Zulu. It's a setting of a prayer: "God bless Africa, guard her children, guide her leaders, and give her peace." Standing in the front of my mid-American church, hearing strong voices singing in Zulu behind me, everything in my life felt so connected - which is what I had wanted, but wasn't sure I would get.




Here we are in front of the church with our families. In the front, Ross and Martha, Ross' parents; Marie, Dad's partner (also known as my "partner-in-law") and John, my dad. In the back, Christa, Ross' sister; Thom, Ross' best friend; the happy couple; and Robert and Michael, my brothers.

We had a "formal" reception after the service, just down the road at they Y. We had prepared most of the food ourselves, with help from many friends and family - roast beef, gouda and brie, chips and salsa, hummus and veggies, bread from the Serbian bakery, quiche, with carrot cake as our wedding cake. The tablecloths were just unbleached muslin, strewn with some wild sage we had picked a few days before, flowers were daisies, chrysanthemums, wild sage and yarrow. We had chosen daisies as our "colour theme" (to the extent that we had one), so people who were helping to decorate the hall made a giant daisy out of crepe paper on the wall behind Ross and my table. The cake was on a tablecloth sent by my grandmother before the wedding, and apparently (if I have the story right) embroidered by my great-grandmother. Friends set up a scrapbooking table, and took polaroids of people as they arrived, so people decorated pages of a scrapbook with their photograph and good wishes - a treasured guest book.

I don't think that there was anyone present who hadn't helped us prepare for the day in one way or another. We really see a marriage as the formation of a new family, supported by a larger community, and while we are starting this life with just the two of us, it wouldn't be possible if we were not supported by our friends and family.

For us, while the ceremonies were wonderful, the best part of the day came after all of that, when people gathered at our house for the rest of the afternoon, and into the evening, and talked, played bocce, got to know each other (and helped us finish lots of the leftover food from the reception!) I always love to get my friends together so I can introduce people who I think would get along, so I love to have social events where lots of people who don't know each other get to talk to each other - and this worked out that way, which made me very happy ;-) Also, we changed out of our wedding clothes into shorts and comfy shirts, which was really nice as the day was hot and sweaty!

We've been married a month now, and while it hasn't been the most settled month in either of our lives - looking after visitors, working to make up for time off for the wedding (Ross) , and running a science summer camp for middle-school girls (me) it feels really settled and comfortable to be married. In a way that I hadn't expected, making the vows in public did deepen our commitment to each other, and we have a certainty about our future which feels good.

Life returns to its regular pace now. I'm back to research, trying to establish a routine and achieve results with somewhat less stress, Ross is proofreading part time, taking some computer classes at the community college and looking for a full time job. We are happy to be together.


1 comment:

Dale said...

:-)

Lovely.